The Sexuality Trap, Balancing Hormones and the Head

As I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating predicament and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and men use love to get sex." This is a fantastic summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where singles analyze good sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further since for these songs, having sex carries tremendous significance and consequences.

Songs fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 methods:

A.they believe sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex is good then the relationship will be good too).

B.more frequently, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed songs consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other person might be a match on levels other than physical attraction-- such as long-term requirements, requirements, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with reality when all those hormonal agents are running wild. Our body responds to someone we are drawn in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts sexual desire), makings the opportunity to make love with someone we are attracted to very difficult to resist. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel very close to and bonded with our sex partner.

These chain reactions are strong and uncontrolled , causing effective sensations of destination, excitement, love, nearness, and well-being .

When issues emerge, those who fall into the Sex Trap typically justify by believing, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is terrific!" They most likely would not confess it, but they prioritize physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their main hunting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay males, says that a lot of his clients have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.

" For gay men specifically in city locations, sex is easily available, and that in itself is a trap," North states. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be great?".

North includes, "I think this is a ' man' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to mention that chemistry is essential. Yet, chemistry is a offered that we cannot control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry occur, though often it can grow over time.

Songs who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication subsides and truth hits.

To prevent the Sex Trap, you should balance your heart (and hormones) with your head. This means combining chemistry with good sense. While excellent sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you need he said to make your partner choices by paying full focus on your vision, requirements, goals, and values -- while feeling all those amazing stimulates!

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