The Intimacy Deception, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the Skull

As I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating problem and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to obtain love, and guys use love to get sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap is comparable to the Love Trap, where songs translate great sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther because for these songs, having sex brings enormous significance and consequences.

Songs fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 methods:

A.they believe sex is a essential test of compatibility, (if the sex is good then the relationship will ready too).

B.more typically, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they have sex.
So, instead of taking a look at whether this other individual may be a match on levels other than physical attraction-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to keep in touch with truth when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body reacts to someone we are brought in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone (increases libido), makings the opportunity to have sex with somebody we are attracted to extremely tough to resist. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel really close to and bonded with our browse around this web-site sex partner.

These chemical responses are strong and uncontrolled , leading to effective feelings of destination, excitement, well-being, love, and nearness .

However when problems develop, those who fall under the Sex Trap frequently justify by thinking, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is fantastic!" They more than likely wouldn't admit it, however they focus on physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their primary hunting tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay men, states that much of his customers have actually fallen under the Sex Trap.

" For gay men specifically in cosmopolitan areas, sex is easily available, and that in itself is a trap," North says. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be excellent?".

Nonetheless, North adds, "I presume this is a ' person' thing instead of a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to point out that chemistry is essential. Yet, chemistry is a considered that we cannot manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry take place, though often it can grow gradually.

Songs who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication disappears and truth hits.

To avoid the Sex Trap, you need to stabilize your heart (and hormones) with your head. This indicates integrating chemistry with sound judgment. While great sex is very important for a sustainable relationship, you need to make your partner choices by paying complete attention to your vision, objectives, requirements, and values -- while feeling all those interesting stimulates!

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